No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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