maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
