Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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