hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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