I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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