i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
