Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
