Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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