Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my sisters under your porch take her home
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
