Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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