im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
