How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize