I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
