the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I want a musical about memes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
