Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
