I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
