somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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