Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
