I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
