bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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