So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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