...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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