I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
