He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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