So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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