we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
