I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
His nipple licking is glorious
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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