I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
