She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
