Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
