if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
