Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
