Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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