every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
