Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
