She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you win again, gameday.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
