and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
