Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
