Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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