So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
