I think I just saw someone hide a body.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
