2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
