Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
