What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize