Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
