ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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