u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
