Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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