Soap is not a condiment
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
