Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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