Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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