who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
