so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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