You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
