guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
