oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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