Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
