I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
