So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
