I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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