im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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