Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
