JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
