he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
