Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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