Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
