apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize