Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
