I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
