i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize