Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
